Ramblings of a sweet and evil dominant Woman

This weeks episode of Bones with its portrayal of pony play got me thinking. At the beginning of the show when the characters had discovered that their murder victim is a pony boy they begin discussing fetish. Either Bones or Booth, I can’t remember which, and wouldn’t you know it’s not in the summary, says something to the effect that fetish is used to distance people.

My first reaction was to get indignant, no way, fetish brings people closer together! Then I started thinking. I mean how many, just to pick on one group, foot fetishist have been seen to forget that said feet were attached to a living breathing human being?

I brought this up with pup and his initial reaction was pretty similar to mine, shared brain and all. Then as he got to thinking about it he came up with a theory he qualifies by saying is way over simplified. Basically this, fetish is about objects and thus distancing and kink is about people so brings people closer. Hmmm maybe but needs a bit more thought so next I went searching for some definitions.

Merriam-Webster online defines fetish as : c: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

Obviously there were some other definitions but this is the one I was looking for.

ok so then we have from the word web dictionary:
adjective: kinky (kinkier,kinkiest) kingkee

1. (used of sexual behaviour) showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes
“kinky sex”
- perverted

Ok so we have fixating on an object or liking sex that is outside the norm.

Well, kink is a little closer I suppose but none of this really works for me. I think pup was on the right track though. It’s about people. Anyone can use a kink or a fetish to hold others at arms length… or it can be used to draw someone closer.

At the end of the Bones episode David Boreanaz"s character says “Here we are. All of us, basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other. All searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places, some, they just give up hope because in their mind they’re thinking, “Oh, there’s nobody out there for me.” But all of us, we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while, every once in a while two people meet and there’s that spark.” Yes! Of course as someone reminded me I don’t really look. So watching or waiting, but the spark, yes.

Of course he goes one to say fetish equals crappy sex… ah well you can’t win them all. My spark comes with fetish (or maybe that’s kink?) included.

A little bit all over the place but I did promise a ramble…

S.